


Which Woods

by walrusweekend



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Autistic Levi, M/M, Modern AU, Nonbinary Character, Other, Past Mike/Levi, Romance, Sexual Content, Substance Abuse, Trans Male Character, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29995638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walrusweekend/pseuds/walrusweekend
Summary: Magic.Erwin would have never learned to recognize magic in the modern world if it weren’t for Levi teaching him. “There’s magic everywhere,” he said. Erwin could see it. It was in the wind through the leaves, in the gasps of the smaller man as Erwin pleasured him, in the small joys of every-day life, and in his own heart where love bloomed.Modern Eruri AU. Levi is a non-binary trans man with autism. Erwin struggles with substance abuse and is enchanted by him. (Petra is Erwin's sister) Cottagecore and witchcraft elements. Content warning included in notes.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Which Woods

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this general idea and the abstract version of the plot when I was like 18 (I’m 23 now lol). I don’t write much, but I have always wanted to write something beautiful and satisfying. I hope this hits the spot both for myself and others. 😊
> 
> Levi’s experience with gender is very close to my own, so it is based on real life transgender experiences. Same with the autism and witchcraft thing. I do recommend doing research on all three subjects if you’re interested in getting to know them better and seeing multiple interpretations and viewpoints. The world is so diverse.
> 
> In accordance with this fic, i do suggest reading this article on the stigma of substance abuse: [link here](https://www.drugabuse.gov/about-nida/noras-blog/2020/04/addressing-stigma-surrounds-addiction)
> 
> (CW: death of family members, grief and loss, substance abuse/alcoholism, isolation, transgender struggles, autistic struggles, memory issues, police, and doubt of one's own sanity)  
> (more to be added as chapters update)

_"_ If you have ever gone to the woods with me, I must love you very much" - Mary Oliver, How I Go to the Woods

* * *

_In the dark of the night, a man stumbles._

_Rocks. Dirt. Tree roots. How did he get here? Hadn’t he brought himself here? Why?_

_Erwin’s vision swims and he vomits violently onto the ground before him. His hands find freezing grit and sharp stems, his skin a stark white against the black of the earth below._

_He faintly recognizes that he is on all fours, knees becoming more and more damp as he sinks into the wet earth, his eyes and nose streaming. He gives silent thanks to whatever last mercy being shown to him for not falling on his face. His throat and palms burn._

_He heaves one last time and weakly shuffles away to avoid the acidic fumes of his own sick. It’s an assault on his pounding head and queasy stomach. He shivers and waits for his stomach to turn again, cold tears falling down his cheeks. Cold sweat clings to his torso as he waits, creating an icy chill whenever the evening breeze sweeps by him. Beneath the smell of alcohol, sweat, and vomit, he can detect the scent of fresh rain and pine needles._

_He sobs, defeated, but feels no relief from weeping. The scratch in his throat only pains him further into the rolling darkness, and he curses weakly as his vision swims. The last thing he sees in his mind’s eye before he collapses is wrinkled metal and her blank face, bloodied and barely recognizable under it._

_And the stone-cold earth takes him._

=

Erwin’s head pounded. And again. Pounding pain.

 _I should get up and take some medicine,_ he thought abstractly. _Then go back to sleep._

It was warm and a little hard beneath him, but there was a lingering damp chill on his skin. He shivered. The light smell of freshly washed bedding was familiar and comforting. He thought he recognized it. _I’m at Dad’s,_ he thought.

His head pounded. He licked his lips with a swollen and dry tongue. His mouth felt raw and acidic.

Sleep. It would take him away from the churning of his stomach.

Or not.

He lurched, throwing off the covers and bending quickly over the edge of the bed before his stomach jolted. He vomited into a hastily thrust bucket under his chin. He grasped the small hands holding it, steadying himself, succumbing to the onslaught of pain in his body.

In the back of his mind, Erwin recognized the familiar sensation of his body rejecting alcohol, and the shame and dread that came with it. He was surprised his mother still had the patience to tend to him in this state. She held the bucket for him steadily under his own hands with an indifference to filth that only a devoted parent could provide. His heart jolted painfully, and his stomach began to calm.

Finished, he panted and spit and shuddered. He didn’t think there was anything left, but it was a small comfort. His nose and throat burned. There was snot smeared across his upper lip. It was a familiar and miserable sensation.

Dazed, he looked up to meet his mother’s gaze with bravery.

Instead, he was met with the light eyes of a small dark-haired man sitting in a wooden chair beside the bed. He was grimacing.

Erwin racked his weary mind. What was this? No, who was this? Where was he?

“You finished you think?” the man asked Erwin, sounding exasperated. His voice was light and slightly nasal.

“I think so.” Erwin said weakly, his own deep voice rasping with difficulty. “Who are you?”

“Levi.” The man was small, with thin eyebrows and fair skin. He had a pointed face, like a fox, and was wearing dark form-fitting clothes. He kept glancing at Erwin and then looking away.

 _He’s lovely,_ Erwin thought, feeling embarrassed and insecure. His heart jolted again. He remembered his mother’s viewing and funeral, holding his sister as they both cried, already raw from the death of their father a few weeks previous.

“You were in my backyard.” Levi added after a moment.

Erwin blinked stupidly at him. Levi peered at him for a moment longer, then gently tugged the bucket away from under Erwin’s chin.

“I’ll be right back. Try not to throw up again before then.” Levi stood and turned, exiting out of a door and out of sight. He was short, presumably about a head shorter than Erwin, with a narrow waist and small feet in dark socks. Petite.

Erwin took a deep steadying breath and looked around him, hoping to gain some information of his circumstances.

It was not his Dad’s guest room, and it wasn’t the hospital or a clinic either. The bed was lumpy and groaned under Erwin’s weight when he shifted. The quilt across his lap was old fashioned with brown fabric and little flowers. There was a chest of drawers, a closet door, and a bedside table with a lamp. The floor was dark wood, weathered by years of scuffling feet. Outside the window were thick trees and pine needle strewn grounds, too far below for him to be on the ground floor.

Levi’s backyard. How had he gotten there?

The burn in his stomach and nose was malicious. Alcohol.

Had he gotten black out drunk and ended up in a stranger’s backyard? He vaguely remembered stumbling through the woods and throwing up on himself. He must have passed out afterwards. Not very dignified of him, he thought grimly. He prided himself on dignity.

Levi was back with the bucket.

“Here, it’s clean.” said the small man, handing it to Erwin. His hands were small. Erwin pushed away the thought of his mother.

“Thank you.” he said, accepting it. It smelled lightly of dish soap.

Levi sat down in the chair beside the bed and looked at Erwin, hard.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, concerned.

Erwin winced. “Terrible.” His voice was raw and hoarse, and he felt so sick that he didn’t care as much as he should that he was in a stranger’s house. A stranger’s bed. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

“We’ll need to take care of some things, contact someone to get you home for one, but I don’t think you’re in any shape for that at the moment.” Levi said, standing up again and heading for the door. “I’m going to get you some pills and some water. Do you think you can keep it down?”

Erwin watched him, intrigued. When their eyes met, Levi looked away.

Erwin licked his lips roughly, then croaked, “If it’s just water, I think so. Thank you.”

Levi nodded and left the room again. Erwin watched as he went, clutching his bucket and shivering, feeling unsettled and confused.

Levi brought him water, medicine, and a mug of hot tea. Erwin rinsed his mouth and spit, then drank the water and medicine. He leaned back in the bed to sip the tea. It was spicy and bitter, but it was hot and made his mouth taste like something other than bile.

“It’s ginger tea.” said Levi. “It’ll help with the nausea.”

Erwin gave his thanks sleepily. “Thanks. It’s working.” He avoided the stranger’s heavy gaze.

How undignified indeed. He stank like stale sweat and vomit and had to be waited on. It had been a long time since it had been this bad.

Levi watched him sip, with his arms crossed over his chest and head cocked to his side. Erwin couldn’t read his expression.

After his last gulp, his stomach and head felt significantly better. The mug was still warm in his lap and his head started to droop.

Levi took his mug with his hand clawed over the top, and gave him a stern look. “Sleep. I’ll be staying here to watch you and make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit or something, so don’t worry about anything for now. You need to rest.”

Erwin smiled politely as best he could. “Thank you… but before I do, where’s my phone? I want to let my sister know I’m okay. She’ll be worried.”

Levi looked at him steadily. “Your phone wasn’t on you. No keys, either. You’ll have to use mine, but you’re not allowed to leave the bed yet.”

Erwin blinked. He lost his phone? Left his keys at home? God, what must his sister think? Maybe she thought he was staying with Mike. But If she called Mike, he would tell her that Erwin wasn’t there. And if she called Erwin’s phone, he couldn’t answer it. He sighed heavily. It had been a long while since he had been that drunk... He was supposed to be better now. Have more self-control. He was supposed to be recovered for good this time. A feeling of sickening dread began to build from his abdomen. He swallowed it down.

“Okay. Thank you, Levi. You’re very kind to bring me into your house and… well.” _Hold a bucket for me while I vomit into it,_ He thought, embarrassed.

Levi looked at him, then away. “Of course. Sleep.” he said gently. Erwin obeyed.

=

When next Erwin awoke, he was relieved to find himself in a better state. His head still pounded, but it was reduced to a dull throb, and his nausea was almost gone. He had the mental faculties to suffer a great blow to his pride when he realized just how badly he smelled.

Levi had dozed off in his chair, holding a mug from the top in his lap. It looked very uncomfortable. Erwin eyed his small hands curiously. They could have been a child’s. He wondered how old Levi was; He looked young.

Erwin slipped out of bed slowly and went looking for the restroom. Inside, he used the toilet and paused before the mirror.

His cheeks were hollow, eyes bloodshot. His beaky nose was red and running. He washed his hands and splashed his face, hoping the cool water would reduce the swelling.

 _I promised myself I would never do this again,_ he thought. He shook his head wearily, but that hurt, so he shot himself one last disappointed look and tried to tidy his blonde hair across his forehead before he left the room and ambled back towards his bed.

As he came back into the bedroom, Levi jolted awake and sputtered, “You’re not s’pposed to be outta bed, dumbass.”

“I had to find the restroom and didn’t want to wake you.” Erwin said roughly, steadying himself against the door frame. Walking was much harder on his stomach than lying down.

“Dammit.” Levi whispered from his chair, looking up at him. “Feeling bad?”

“Yeah…” Erwin said hoarsely. He stumbled back into bed and fell into it. Levi eyed him critically.

“I think it’s time you ate something. I’ll be back in a minute. Stay there.”

Erwin sighed as Levi left the room. He wished he had his phone.

Levi brought him hot broth in a large mug, and more spicy tea. Erwin sipped both gratefully. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was, but he suspected anything too substantial would disturb his stomach again.

“You’re a good patient.” Levi said, watching him. “You do what you’re told.”

Erwin chuckled awkwardly. He really hated being waited on, so the least he could do was follow directions.

“So. What happened?” Levi asked quietly from the door frame, where he was leaning with his arms crossed over his chest.

Erwin swallowed the last of his tea thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to remember.”

“You were hella drunk, obviously.”

Erwin huffed a bitter laugh through his nose. Obviously.

He looked out the window. The trees were thick, and the light coming through them was green cast and dappled. Between them, he could see dark rolling hills in the distance. How far from home was he? And how had he made it so far in the first place?

“You gave me a fucking turn.” Levi said harshly. “I wake up and go outside to feed the chickens and there’s a huge man lying in his own vomit. I thought you were dead. Almost called the fucking police or the hospital or whatever. I didn’t only because you woke up and were coherent enough to put me at ease. Just barely.”

“…I see.” Erwin said, embarrassed. “I apologize. I know it must have been surprising. I usually take better care of myself than this.” He couldn’t remember waking before now.

“Well,” said Levi, nursing his own mug, “You can stay here until you’re well enough to go home, wherever that is, but it’s quite a trek into town. I don’t know how the hell you managed to get out this far if you were on foot and drunk. Like I said, no keys.”

Erwin swallowed hard. It was frightening not being able to remember.

“Thank you.” he said, turning to Levi. “Where are we exactly?”

“Which Woods.” Levi said, watching Erwin from over his own mug.

Erwin raised his eyebrows in surprise. He was indeed very outside of town, in the thick woods that the people in town told superstitious stories about and avoided at all cost. Humanoid creatures, witches, and other dark beings were said to walk freely in this place, although he didn’t know if he believed it himself. The name was supposed to be ironic and literary, but the people in town, especially the older ones, grew grey and grave when the place was mentioned.

“You live here?” Erwin asked Levi, surprised. “I never knew anyone lived in Which Woods.”

“Yep,” said Levi. “I belong here.”

 _That was… cryptic_ , Erwin thought. He eyed Levi for a moment.

 _Maybe he’s one of those dark creatures_ , Erwin thought, amused. The tea and broth had done him a lot of good.

“Are you a vampire or something?” Erwin asked Levi, smiling.

“Maybe,” said Levi dully, to the window. “Maybe I’m waiting for all the alcohol to work out of your system so I can exsanguinate you.”

Erwin chuckled awkwardly, but Levi didn’t laugh.

Erwin cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’d like to use your phone now if that’s alright.”

=

Levi helped him down the stairs slowly as to not upset his stomach. The small man was surprisingly strong for his stature and build. Erwin wondered if Levi had lugged his dead weight all the way up the stairs and into the bed by himself. He eyed the house interestedly as they walked through, looking for signs of anyone else, but he found none.

Levi didn’t have a cell phone; He had a wall phone with a discolored curly cord that nearly touched the floor. Between the creaking floors, the vintage décor and old-fashioned furniture, Levi’s small home was charmingly reminiscent of Erwin’s Gran. It calmed him before he had to talk to his sister and try to explain what was going on and possibly beg for her forgiveness for the umpteenth time.

As the phone rang, Erwin watched Levi put the kettle on and then leaned against the counter to watch him. Erwin looked away. The phone was still ringing.

_“Hi! It’s Petra. I can’t answer the phone right now, so if you leave a message, I’ll call you back when I can. Bye!”_

Erwin frowned. It wasn’t like her not to answer. He stumbled through his message, trying to relay the important stuff (he was safe, but he’d lost his phone and be away for a while), and leave out what could wait for later (the fact that he had been seriously ill, and had passed out and hungover in a stranger’s backyard outside of town), while sounding confident and reassuring. Petra had a mothering nature and was prone to being overbearing and worrisome. He ended the message with an “I love you. Please call back.”

He felt odd and lonely as he hung up the receiver. It was strange that the one he was closest to seemed so far away, and yet here he was standing in the small intimate kitchen of a total stranger.

“Tea?” Levi asked softly behind him.

“Sure.”

Erwin took his mug and joined Levi at the table, relishing the comforting heat in his hands. Something in his gut twisted, so he took a sip, hoping he wasn’t going to be sick again.

Levi was watching him. His gaze had a steady weight to it.

“Haven’t gotten your name yet.” Levi said, breaking the silence.

“Oh, I apologize. It’s Erwin. Erwin Smith.”

Levi nodded once in acknowledgement, still watching him closely.

They sat awkwardly at the small square table, sipping quietly. Erwin thought of how bizarre and uncomfortable it was that he should end up here in such a state, although it certainly wasn’t the worst circumstances he’d ever faced as a result of binge drinking.

“I hope it’s ok for me to stay here until Petra calls back…” Erwin said, meeting Levi’s eyes over his mug.

“Of course. You’re still too weak to walk, and I don’t have a car. I doubt the town would send a taxi here.” Levi eyed him a moment longer, then said, “Feel free to use the shower upstairs.”

Erwin smirked into his tea. “Are you saying I stink?”

Levi nodded. “I don’t mean to embarrass you, but it’s pretty bad. The vomit smell.”

“I see…” Erwin said slowly, putting his mug down. People usually laughed that kind of thing off or made it into a joke, right? He was struggling to keep up with the man’s eccentricity. “…What should I do with my clothes?”

“Toss them outside the door and I’ll wash them. I’ll lend you some clean clothes. Hopefully, they’ll fit you. A guy left some of his clothes here a while back and I didn’t know what to do with them so I just kept them. I think you’re about his size.” Levi looked him up and down critically. “Nothing of mine would fit you anyway.”

Erwin eyed Levi’s narrow waist across the table. “Probably not,” he agreed.

Once inside the upstairs bathroom, Erwin noticed something he hadn’t earlier in his haze of pain and shame. He paused. On the inside door handle of the bathroom hung a dark lacy bralette. He tried to ignore it, but it was very black against the light-colored door.

It was so small. Small enough… he realized, small enough to fit around Levi’s small chest. He stared at it for too long, trying to decide if it was likelier that Levi had a girlfriend or if the thing belonged to him. He had a gut feeling (besides the nausea), but tried not to imagine Levi wearing it, tried not to imagine the small dark creature of a man with the bralette on, slipping the dark straps down over his pale shoulders slowly to reveal dark nipples, his eyes bright and his gaze intense beneath fluttering lashes and thin brows.

=

Clean and dried and smelling of herbal soap, Erwin found Levi downstairs in the kitchen reading at the table, an empty bowl beside him.

“Thank you for the clothes.” Erwin said, to announce his presence. The jeans were slightly long on him, which was surprising since he was over 6 feet tall, but the briefs, t-shirt and sweater fit him comfortably.

Levi looked up at him, evaluating the fit. “You’re welcome. I’m washing your other clothes and sheets now, and there’s soup on the stove.”

“Did my sister call?” Erwin asked anxiously, sweeping his damp blonde bangs out of his eyes.

“No.” Levi answered. “I’m sorry,” he added after a tense moment.

Erwin’s shoulders slumped. He wanted to hear from Petra as soon as possible. He helped himself to vegetable soup from the pot on the stove. “Do you have a girlfriend, Levi?” he asked casually.

Levi looked up from his book and eyed him. “No, I live alone. Why do you ask?”

Erwin very steadily poured another ladleful of soup into his bowl. “… I saw the bra in your bathroom.” He heard Levi curse softly. It was his, then?

The bowl would be too full to walk with if he added anymore, so he had no choice but to join Levi at the small square table.

Levi was behind his book, but Erwin could see the pink up his neck and forehead as he sat across from him awkwardly.

“That’s… private. Should have been put away.” Levi said stiffly. He sat the book down slowly, not bothering to mark his place. “Is that going to be a problem?” He asked Erwin guardedly.

Erwin hadn’t seen him scowl so deeply yet. “What?” he asked, forgetting his soup.

“Is it going to be a problem? That you know I wear bras? And I’m gay?” Levi asked, very pink.

Erwin swallowed hard and tried not to think of his earlier imagined scene of Levi in the bralette. His own face felt warm now too.

“No, of course not. It’s just… intriguing is all.” Erwin admitted. He picked up his spoon for something to do, hoping the rush of blood to his head wouldn’t cause him to pass out in his soup.

“Yeah, I fucking guess it is,” Levi muttered, picking his book back up and disappearing behind it.

That evening, after Levi had him take more medicine and tea and went off to sleep in his own room, Erwin fell asleep weakly in his freshly made bed to the curious thought of running his hands over Levi’s chest, rubbing his nipples through the fabric of the lacey black bra, watching him arch and pant, his hot breath smelling like ginger tea.

* * *

The next morning, Levi cooked eggs in a dark cast iron pan while Erwin called his sister again. (Erwin tried not to remember his embarrassing thoughts of the previous night as he heard Levi flip an egg in the pan behind him.)

His heart sank as he got his sister’s voicemail.

“ _…so if you leave a message, I’ll call you back when I can. Bye_!”

Erwin took a deep breath before he spoke. “Petra, please. I don’t know what’s going on, but I really need to hear from you.” He wound a finger around the cord. “I’m safe, but I really need you to call me back because I’ve been staying with someone while I wait to hear from you and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. Please call back at this number. I love you.”

At the table, he pushed his fried eggs around his plate, thinking hard and feeling poor.

What was going on? His sister never took more than a few hours to call back, much less days. He sighed.

In his earlier years, on the verge of alcoholism, tension developed between he and his family, and their relationship had been strained ever since. After their parents died, he and his sister grew closer despite Erwin’s relapse and recovery cycles. She loved him fiercely and was not likely to ignore his calls. He was beginning to feel anxious. It was uncomfortable living in a stranger’s home, trying to navigate a space that constantly reminded him that he didn’t belong there. He had to borrow or ask for everything he needed. Even getting a glass of water was a hassle since he didn’t know the kitchen. He hoped Petra would call later. He tried to remember if there was any alcohol back at the house, but couldn’t.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked Erwin. “You’re not eating.”

Erwin started. “I… I don’t know what’s going on with my sister. It’s not like her not to call.” He cut up his eggs into pieces with his fork and ate a small bit of soft yolk.

Levi hummed thoughtfully, watching him. “I could try calling a cab if you want to go home. Do you think you’re well enough to travel by now?”

“…I don’t know.” Erwin sighed, putting his fork down. He felt shaky, and the pit of his stomach felt sour. He was still moving very slowly to avoid upsetting it, but he was anxious to get home.

“You don’t have to decide right now. Want to meet the chickens?” Levi asked him.

Erwin looked up, surprised. “Chickens?” He repeated curiously.

“Yeah,” Levi said, getting up and taking his plate to the sink. “Let’s go see them. Some fresh air would do you good anyway.”

=

In Levi’s side yard was a tall fenced-in enclosure with a wooden roost and a rippling aluminum roof. Three chickens were lazily ambling around each other behind the fence in the bright green cast sunlight, pecking occasionally in the straw and clucking softly.

“That’s Darling,” Levi said pointing to the black and white marbled hen, “the black one is Honey, and the caramel one is Sweetie. They leave me a few eggs most mornings.”

Despite his poor mood, Erwin couldn’t help but smile. The chickens were fluffy and moved jerkily as they eyed him across the yard. As he and Levi approached, the light caramel one crowed loudly and stretched her neck out in warning.

“Don’t mind her.” Levi said. “She just doesn’t know you is all.”

“They’re so charming.” Erwin said with a laugh. He felt better in the fresh air.

Levi looked embarrassed. “They keep me company. I don’t let them in the house ‘cause they’ll shit everywhere, but Sweetie likes to be held. and I let Darling and Honey wander in the yard ‘cause they like to forage. Have to watch them though, cause Darling will run off into the woods.”

At the fence gate, Levi bent down and made kissing noises through the wire to entice the chickens. They ambled slowly towards him and gathered by the fence. Levi unlatched the gate and let the chickens hop through into the patched yard. “Do you want to hold Sweetie? She’s pretty good about not shitting on my arm, but I can get you a towel just in case.”

Erwin grinned at Levi. “Sure,” he agreed.

Sweetie was soft and warm in his arms and clucked contentedly, almost like a purr. She blinked and closed her eyes, and Erwin felt warm in his chest. She smelled like straw and corn and had beautiful variation in her feathers that reminded Erwin of a cappuccino.

“Hello, Sweetie.” he said softly. “I think I ate your eggs this morning. They were delicious.”

“Just don’t let her peck your eyelashes.” Levi said softly, very close, running a finger over her breast feathers, almost touching Erwin’s arm. “Good girl.” He whispered. He was close enough that Erwin could smell the malty scent of tea on his breath and see the individual lashes that lined his silver eyes.

Levi moved to Erwin’s side and kept an eye on Darling while she wandered the yard, darting around the pine roots and pecking at the cold ground for worms. Honey circled Levi and Erwin more cautiously, her black feathers shining purple and green in the sunlight. Sweetie cooed.

“She’s sweet.” Erwin said, his eyes on Levi beside him. “And beautiful,” he added.

“Yeah.” Levi said gruffly to the trees, cheeks pink and arms crossed over his chest. “Hence the name.”

It was comfortable in the brisk morning air, holding a warm chicken and standing by Levi, deep in the woods away from everything. The smell of leaves on the cool breeze was invigorating to Erwin’s mind though his body was still weak. He studied the bumpy skin around Sweetie’s face and sighed solemnly in appreciation for the woods.

He looked through the forest and found the deep rolling hills from before. Which woods. He had never had any inclination to visit the place, but it seemed innocent enough.

“How long have you lived out here?” Erwin asked Levi softly, observing the patches of sunlight filtering through foliage and onto the forest floor.

Levi crossed his arms over his chest in thought. “A few years now. I inherited the house from my Grandmother, and I couldn’t bear to sell it. She was the last family I had left.” He scuffed the ground with the toe of his dirty rubber boot. “It’s pretty isolated. Have to ride my bike into town ‘cause I don’t have a car. It’s not bad, though. I sell eggs and stuff at the farmer’s market, especially in the summer.”

Erwin hummed. “Not a bad life,” he said slowly, deep in thought.

Levi grunted in agreement. “What about you?” he asked quietly, looking at the ground.

Erwin sighed as he looked out towards the trees. “I wanted to be a teacher. Middle or high school, but my… health interfered with my getting a teaching license. I’ve been living with my sister and doing odd jobs mostly. It’s not bad. I love her, and I think I’m almost at the point where I’m ready to go back to school.” _Or… I **was**_ , he thought unhappily.

“Ah,” said Levi lightly. “You like kids?”

Erwin smiled lightly. “Yes. I take after my Dad. He was a teacher too.” Erwin’s heart ached. He missed his parents. He desperately wished he had recovered for good before they died.

Sweetie clucked softly against his chest, bringing him back to the present. “You?” He asked Levi.

Levi snorted. “Do I like kids? Nah, I like chickens.” He glanced sideways at Erwin, then back on Darling. “Better go herd her back towards the coop.” He uncrossed his arms and started towards the thickening trees, walking heavily in the forest debris in his dirty rubber boots.

Erwin watched Levi chase Darling and laughed, startling Sweetie from her doze.

“Oops, sorry. Your dad is funny” he said softly to her. He watched Levi a moment longer. “And cute.” he decided. Sweetie clucked softly and her eyes fluttered closed again.

=

“I’m making bread today,” Levi announced lightly, once the chickens were put away and they were making their way back around the house. The leaves crunched under their feet, and the scent of pine and wood smoke was pleasant on the breeze.

He glanced at Erwin. “You wanna help?”

Erwin nodded enthusiastically. He thought fondly of days at his Gran’s, rolling out dough and sticky hands. He would never tell Levi, but the small man was pleasantly reminiscent of a rough, yet kind old Granny. Erwin laughed to himself softly through his nose at the thought to avoid Levi’s notice as they crunched through the forest floor.

=

Back inside the bright warm kitchen, Levi showed Erwin how to make bread with yeast, explaining what he was doing while Erwin watched.

“It’s a lot of waiting.” Levi explained, setting a timer for allowing the dough to rise. “But it’s worth it. We have some time before it needs to be taken out” He set the timer on the counter and turned to look up at Erwin. “I need some time to myself today.” He said, one hand on his hip. “I need a break.”

“A break?” Erwin repeated, heart sinking. _A break from me?_ He thought guiltily.

“Yeah, I’m not used to having people in my house all the time and I’m starting to feel irritable.” Levi explained. “It’s not a big deal but I need to isolate for a few hours at least.”

“Oh… okay. I understand” Erwin replied politely, although he didn’t. He felt hurt and confused.

“I’ll be upstairs.” said Levi, wiping his hands on a towel. “You’re allowed to use the TV or eat whatever you find in the kitchen. I don’t pay for cable, but I do get a few local channels when the weather is good, and there’s a lot of DVDs and stuff on the shelves.”

Erwin nodded, then paused. “What about the bread?” he asked.

Levi was already turned towards the stairs. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be back when the timer goes off. Have fun.”

=

The afternoon sun found Erwin in the living room, making the small blonde hairs on his knuckles shine white.

The warm wooden built-ins were filled with a wide array of DVDs, VHS tapes, and books. Erwin ran a finger across the washboard-like ripple of bindings curiously as he browsed them. Some books had no title and appeared to be journals, thick and warped by loose papers between the pages, while others had curious names such as _The Garden Witches Guide to Green Magic by Fawn and Fey,_ or _The Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine and Plants_. There was also _a Beginner’s Book of Shadows, Children’s Introduction to Witchcraft,_ and _Love Magic for a Broken Heart_. Erwin paused by the last one.

 _Magic?_ He had never seen books with such contents before. He was itching to explore them, but needed something mindless and familiar to relax to, feeling anxious as he remembered how Levi had invited Erwin to see his chickens, opened up, and then pushed him away afterwards. He felt lonely and guilty and longed for the familiarity and predictability of home.

His eyes lingered on the grain of the deep warm colored wood of the shelves as he thought unhappily. In the corner, acting as a bookend was a small jar containing what seemed to be dried herbs and colored string. He eyed it curiously, then pressed on.

There was a small collection of children and young adult books: _Matilda, Lord of the Rings, The Dragon Rider,_ and _The Last Unicorn._ Erwin paused curiously by them. He had read Lord of the Rings as a teen, but the others he was unfamiliar with. He moved on.

Below the books, there were several VHS collections of classic 80s and 90s television shows and a large collection of DVDs. Erwin made it through a handful of episodes of Friends before the timer in the kitchen went off. Levi appeared at the base of the stairs a minute later, looking grumpy in a formidable way. He looked like he had just woken up from a tumultuous nap, his dark hair ruffled and eyes bleary with sleep.

Erwin watched from afar in the next room as Levi kneaded the dough, shaped it, and put it in the oven. Erwin respectfully gave him his space, only sniffing curiously as the bread cooked, although the final time Levi came down, Erwin was startled to see redness in his eyes and nose as if he had been crying.

“Hey, Levi.” Erwin said warily by the doorframe entrance to the kitchen. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

With his back to Erwin, Levi pulled a tray of bread pans out of the oven with a thick mitt, laid them on the counter, and finally turned to face him shyly. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

“I’m better now. Thank you.” Levi leaned against the oven door behind him and crossed his arms defensively, avoiding Erwin’s curious and worried gaze. “I crashed pretty hard,” he admitted. “I’m sorry that I snubbed you earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Erwin said, although he didn’t really feel like it was. He struggled for a moment. “Levi, you took me in with such grace,” he said slowly, looking at him closely. “And I’m so thankful to you for that. For bringing me in and looking after me. But I think it’s best for both of us if I go home now.”

Levi frowned. “It’s a long drive to town, Erwin. The dirt roads are uneven and you have to drive really slow. The bumps would be rough on your stomach, and there’s no comfortable place to stop. When I bike to town in the summer, I have to wrap up the eggs in a fuck ton of blankets so they don’t all get smashed on the way there. Are you sure you’re up for that?”

“…Probably not,” Erwin admitted. “But me being here is stressing you out, right? I can’t expect you to keep me any longer.” He said unhappily. The guilt gurgled unpleasantly in his chest.

Levi looked at Erwin, face tight with effort as he tried to explain. “It’s not like that, Erwin. I get the breakdowns regularly even when it’s just me. Tea?” Levi offered him a mug. Erwin accepted it and took a sip. It was plain black tea, like the kind he drank iced back home. He remembered the pleasant smell on Levi’s breath earlier that day, when they stood together outside watching the chickens in the sunshine. It felt so long ago.

“I don’t want to be a burden.” Erwin said, watching the reddish-brown liquid in his mug undulate in his hands. _Not on anyone else. Not ever again. Even if I end up worse for it._

Levi frowned. “You really aren’t.” he said earnestly. “Listen, Erwin. I have autism and my brain is super sensitive. I try to take breaks and cope before it becomes a full breakdown, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes I end up crying or vomiting because my mind can’t take it. But afterwards, I feel better. Like now.”

Erwin watched Levi carefully as he spoke, surprised and unsure of how to react. He knew a small amount about autism, but not much about the emotional side of it. He felt lost.

Levi looked seriously at Erwin, holding his own mug tightly with both hands. “But that doesn’t mean you’re a burden. I like you and you haven’t done anything wrong, okay? Don’t you ever think you’re not worth my time. I just don’t always handle my emotions very well. If you feel guilty or whatever, you can help me around the house if it makes you feel better, but I don’t expect you to repay me for kindness and decency. It’s free.”

“Okay.” Erwin said slowly, trying to accept another kindness without feeling guilty for it. “Thank you.” He took a sip of tea and his heart felt warm. “You’re right. I feel guilty for how I ended up here. For receiving your kindness. It’s awkward being a guest in a stranger’s home, even if they keep telling you you’re welcome to stay.” he admitted.

“That makes perfect sense.” Levi said back lightly. “You’re free to leave whenever you want, but I also like your company. I don’t get much of it out here. Honestly, you’re really testing my endurance and social skills, but it’s okay since I like you. I like how much you like my chickens.” He said with a small smile. “Maybe it’s weirder not to send you away the moment you’re well enough, but I guess I kind-of don’t want you to leave.” He admitted.

“Hm.” Erwin said thoughtfully. His anxieties addressed, he was less keen on leaving than he was earlier, but his stomach still hurt from the tension.

They stood silently in the kitchen for a moment, looking at one another and seeing more than they had done before, breathing in the smell of hot bread. Levi’s stomach growled.

“We can discuss this further if you want, but let’s eat first.” Levi said. “The bread should be cool enough to slice by now.”

=

For supper, they ate freshly baked fruit and nut bread smeared with salted sweet cream and drank hot black tea with honey.

Erwin chuckled as he watched Levi squeeze an inordinate amount of honey into his mug. “I thought you were a tea purist.”

“A tea purist? What is that?” Levi asked, interested, stirring with his fork.

Erwin hummed. “You know how some people refuse to put milk and sugar in coffee? They only drink it black and scoff at people who don’t. It’s like that, but with tea.”

Levi considered for a moment as he took a sip. “I try to give each tea a chance to be good without adding anything else first, but also sometimes I just want sugar.”

“Fair enough.” Erwin admitted, smiling. He felt comfortable and happy in the glow of late afternoon sunlight cast green by the leaves outside. The small kitchen was cozy and comfortable. He felt like he was in a fairytale.

The bread was warm and soft, with black and white raisins, walnuts, and a hint of brown sugar. Between the two of them, they finished the loaf, and then took their tea into the living room to watch Friends.

It was darker and colder in the living room without the yellow light of the sun. Levi turned on a lamp.

“I’ve never drank this much tea in my life.” Erwin said conversationally. He felt warm and sleepy, happy to be full of bread and honey.

“It’s good for you.” Levi said, yawning. “Good for your… brain or whatever.”

“Yeah,” Erwin agreed, although he didn’t quite know what he was agreeing to.

Outside, the sun was setting, and the hills turned orange. On the tv, credits rolled and Erwin sat his empty mug beside him on the table. “You have a lot of interesting books. I’ve never read about witchcraft before. Could I take some with me to bed? I like reading before I go to sleep,” he admitted. “It’s another thing I do like my Dad.”

“Of course.” Levi said. “Wiccan Deities might interest you. There’s more stories and lore in that one than the encyclopedia types. Personally, I can’t keep up with all the Gods and Goddesses.”

“Are you Wiccan?” Erwin asked, hoping he wasn’t being insensitive.

“No, but my Grandmother was. I just do… unaligned witchcraft I guess.” Levi replied with a light shrug.

“Unaligned witchcraft?” Erwin repeated curiously, feeling around the couch for the remote. He found it and reduced the volume of the DVD player so he could hear Levi better. It was suddenly much quieter without the laugh track. More intimate.

“Yeah, unaligned as in… I’m not Wiccan or anything else, just a witch with no Gods and no masters.” Levi replied with a smirk.

“Huh.” Erwin said, thinking. “Forgive me, I know very little about this subject.”

Levi shrugged. “It’s no problem. Witchcraft is my special interest, so I could go on about it for ages. You can ask me whatever you like. You may have to tell me to shut the fuck up though.”

Erwin looked at him, scandalized. “I would never,” he said honestly.

Levi looked at him and laughed, revealing a glimpse of very bright, slightly crooked teeth. “No, seriously. It’s another thing I do because of autism… I could keep talking about it forever. It’s so fascinating. There’s so much diversity and possibilities with witchcraft, so many ways to personalize it, to include it in traditional religion, even.” He paused, looking at Erwin with shining eyes. “Did you know there are Christian witches?”

Erwin shook his head thoughtfully. “That seems… Doesn’t that conflict with the Bible?” he said, confused. “Doesn’t the Bible call witchcraft a sin?”

Levi nodded, amused. “Sure does… but the thing is, witchcraft by itself is almost a practice like praying, where you can incorporate it into just about any religion or belief system. Witchcraft is about using nature and rituals to connect with the power in the world around you to manifest a better life. There’s definitely nothing _inherently_ evil about it.”

Erwin nodded thoughtfully. “I see… do you believe in magic, then?”

Levi scoffed and pulled his legs up so he was sitting cross legged to face Erwin. “Of course, I do. I think everyone believes in magic, even if they call it something else, like ‘luck’ or ‘God.’ I’ve never created magic as in lighting something on fire with a word or a thought, but yes, I believe in magic in this world.”

“Like miracles?” Erwin asked, turning to face Levi properly in the couch cushion.

“Maybe, but I’m talking about everyday magic: when a wish comes true, when you make eye contact with a beautiful wild animal, the joy you feel when you touch someone you love. That kind of thing.” He was quiet for a moment, looking at Erwin.

Erwin looked steadily back at him, wordlessly inviting him to go on.

Levi spoke again. “Personally, I’ve only seen magic work in subtle ways, but that doesn’t make it less significant. There’s rules and boundaries with magic though. For example, I don’t believe you can make someone else love you, and I don’t think it’s right to try.”

Erwin nodded in agreement. “That seems unfair.” He said.

“Yeah.” Levi replied. “There’s so much you can do with witchcraft. You can bless people, invite love into your life, connect with the world, and so much more. It’s amazing.” His eyes were bright. “I love it. I love sharing and learning about it.”

Erwin nodded in understanding, feeling excited. “I love learning too. I think it’s an important part of being a teacher. It’s part of why I wanted to be one. Things are always changing, and people discover new truths that conflict what we believed for centuries. There’s always something else to study and to try to understand. Something new and wonderful.”

“Exactly.” Levi said, his light grey eyes shining. He smiled slowly at Erwin, seemingly satisfied by something. Erwin smiled openly back, honored by Levi’s acceptance. They looked at each other quietly for a moment.

A tension grew, deep and warm. Erwin realized suddenly how close they were to each other. He could have touched Levi’s thigh easily if he wanted to. His gaze flickered down, searching for Levi’s hand, and before he realized it, he had taken it with his own and lifted it to his lips, so that his breath ghosted over the sensitive flesh of his wrist.

Levi let him, watching heavily beneath his lashes, his eyes burning.

“Is this okay?” Erwin whispered.

“Yeah.” Levi breathed. He smelled like lemons and honey and malty black tea.

Erwin brought the small wrist to meet his lips and kissed directly on the area of Levi’s pulse. “Levi,” Erwin began softly, lips still brushing the dark hairs on Levi’s arm, though he didn’t know what he had intended on saying next. Maybe some kind of thanks.

“Mm,” Levi replied gently, face intense as he watched Erwin trace up his arm with his mouth. He gasped when Erwin licked the sensitive and fleshy crease of his inner elbow.

Electricity and arousal thrummed through Erwin’s core at the sound. His instinct was to pounce on Levi, but his own tender stomach and the memory of their conversation about Levi’s boundaries held him back. He needed to be careful and respectful.

“I want to kiss you.” Erwin said instead, looking hazily up at Levi for permission.

Levi licked his lips nervously. “I…” he said, then was silent.

Erwin watched him closely, disappointed in his lack of enthusiasm.

“I like you, Erwin,” Levi admitted. “But you’re still unwell. Not to mention we just met yesterday.”

Erwin flushed, and let go Levi’s arm. “I see,” He said, avoiding Levi’s eyes.

They sat awkwardly close on the couch still, Levi looking at Erwin curiously, and Erwin struggling to find something to say.

“I want you to touch me, Erwin, if you still want to.” Levi said, “It’s just not the right moment.”

Erwin nodded slowly, still embarrassed.

“I thought you were straight as fuck,” Levi admitted.

Erwin shook his head. “Bisexual, actually.” He was both relieved and disappointed when Levi stood up from the couch beside him. Levi stretched, and Erwin guiltily avoided looking his ass or ogling the thin strip of skin that was revealed when his shirt rode up.

“I’m exhausted. I need to go to bed.” said Levi. “Today was a lot for me.”

Erwin nodded politely at the TV. Levi watched him for a moment longer, then moved to stand directly in front of Erwin, finally catching Erwin’s avoidant gaze.

“I’m not saying ‘no’; I’m saying we should wait. Isolation does weird shit to the mind and the heart.” Levi said darkly. He took Erwin’s wrist from his lap with both of his own hands and kissed the sensitive area gently, eyeing Erwin through dark lashes.

“Take it slow?” Erwin asked breathlessly. Levi’s lips were warm and soft and slightly wet against his skin. He thought he may have even felt the bristle of closely shaven hair from Levi’s upper lip as he moved his lips away from Erwin’s arm.

Levi grimaced. “Not… _slow_ necessarily, but just not too fast. I like sex, after all.”

Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle. “Me too.” he admitted with a smile, letting his arm fall limply back into his lap.

Levi looked at him softly. “Good night, Erwin.”

“Good night.” Erwin replied, lazily watching him turn towards the stairs, thinking about magic and the smell of Levi’s skin.


End file.
